


can't keep denying every minute i think of you

by deandratb



Series: A Thousand Sweet Kisses [6]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 11:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16891836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deandratb/pseuds/deandratb
Summary: With Lorelai back from her post-Max road trip, Luke takes a chance. Set a few days after he agrees to give Lorelai business tips.





	can't keep denying every minute i think of you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [broken_hearted_bard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_hearted_bard/gifts).



> Happy fifth night of Hanukkah!! You're always the Luke to my Lorelai and I hope you enjoy. <3

“Thanks for coming over,” Lorelai said as she escorted him out. “I’ll get Rory to help me understand my notes next week when I can’t read my handwriting.”

“Here’s an idea: type it up. Helps you remember, and takes care of the handwriting thing.”

“Good tip. Seriously, I really appreciate you talking me through everything, Luke.” She dropped down to sit on her porch, smiling over at him when he joined her.

“Anytime. It’s nice. Reminds me how far I’ve come since I started.”

“God, I can’t even imagine life without your diner. The town wouldn’t be right without it. And if Sookie and I can be half as successful running our inn, that’d be amazing.”

“You will.”

She shook her head. “New businesses are tough. It’s going to take a lot of luck, even with our obviously brilliant talent and hard work.”

“Nobody--and I mean nobody--is as persistent as you, Lorelai, when you put your mind to something. You’re going to make it happen. Believe me.”

“Thanks.” She leaned into his shoulder a little. “It’s so weird that summer’s almost over already.”

“Rory excited for school starting back up?”

“Oh, you know. She spent a week organizing her school supplies by color and anticipated level of use...and that was  **before** our Harvard trip. She’s even worse now.”

Luke made a noise in agreement as they listened to the leaves overhead rustle. The air was starting to change, bringing the chilly autumn snap that New England offered along with colorful trees and small town festivals.

Lorelai broke the comfortable silence, her eyes trained on the carved archway he had helped her move a few days ago.

“I think you were right, about marriage.”

He followed her gaze across the yard to the chuppah and shifted uncomfortably. “I really wasn’t thinking, when I said that. I never thought you might hear it and...” Luke cleared his throat. “Well.”

“Hey, no, I didn’t mean your rant. I’m used to your rants. I like your rants.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“It was the other stuff, about only getting married once. I couldn’t stop thinking about it after we talked. That’s the only way to do it, right? Where there are no doubts. It’s what I want, to wait until I’m absolutely certain.”

He’d never intended to ask exactly why she and Max had called it off, though his policy of avoiding town gossip meant it still wasn’t clear to him. But refusing to stick his nose in on principle didn’t stop him from being curious. 

Luckily for Luke, Lorelai rarely needed prompting to spill her secrets. Especially to him.

“It was me who ended it,” she confessed. “It just wasn’t...right. I wanted it to be, I wanted him to be the one, but he wasn’t.”

“You seemed happy.”

“I was! That’s the worst part, Luke. I  **was** happy. I really liked Max. I know what you think of him, but he is a great guy. He was nothing but good to me. And I thought...well, when he proposed, after I got past the shock of it, I thought, there are worse things than marrying a great guy you like. I even convinced myself I loved him. I talked myself into it. Does that sound crazy?”

He considered it before replying. “No. No, it sounds like you.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Didn’t mean it like that.” He turned toward her. “Lorelai, listen. You love everybody. You’re one of those people who genuinely likes the world, and can be really annoying about it.”

Luke smiled, to make sure she knew he was teasing. “I know, because I’m not like that. People bother me. But you want to love them--and you’re willing to take risks to be happy. Those are good things.”

She shook her head. “Tell that to the man I just left at the altar.”

“You didn’t leave him at the altar. You broke off an engagement. It happens.”

“If it happened to you, wouldn’t you be devastated? Max will never forgive me, and I can’t blame him. I can’t forgive me.”

“What else could you have done? I mean it, Lorelai--what was the better option? Marrying him when you didn’t love him, just to avoid hurting his feelings? He’ll be okay, eventually. And so will you.”

Luke put his arm around her. “You don’t have to settle. You deserve more than that.”

She hugged him from the side, burying her face in his shoulder. 

“You deserve everything you want,” he promised her. 

Luke didn’t realize that they were overly close on the step until Lorelai pulled back, when she was still watching him seriously from only a few inches away. Her eyes dipped down to his mouth and lingered there before she looked back up. 

_ It was too soon, _ he told himself.  _ It was all wrong.  _

He knew how to be her friend. He’d gotten really good at it, supporting and encouraging and maintaining the deliberate distance between their friendship and what he wanted beyond that. He was happy just being in her life.

So it was one thing to talk her through a breakup, or family drama, or work stress. He had the script for that, and could usually predict how it would be received because there had never been anyone he knew as well as he knew Lorelai Gilmore. 

But in that charged moment, Luke didn’t have any words. To stop himself, or explain it...or turn it into something else. 

Whenever they froze in the middle of their usual banter, whenever they almost crossed the line, Lorelai looked not only conflicted but a little bit scared. He had to admit now that there was some fear involved for him, too. He didn’t want to lose her. He’d always been afraid to risk it.

_ How many moments would there be?  _ Luke wondered, with the chuppah mocking him in his peripheral vision.  _ How many chances would he have before she really did find it, that mysterious thing she’d been looking for since he met her--with another man? _

He  **would** lose her then, in one way or another. 

That was the surge of urgency and panic that pushed him past his usual hesitation. 

Sure, it was a risk. But if there was any possibility that this was his moment, the one moment they were going to get, he had to take it. Surrounded by the quiet light of sunset, Luke turned toward her, and leaned in. 

He gave her time to back away, but she didn’t. Lorelai watched him, eyes wide, until their lips met. 

Her little sigh before they kissed was his new favorite sound.

_ The timing was terrible. They would hear all about it from Miss Patty, Taylor, even Sookie. None of that mattered right now. _

Pulling away, Lorelai rested her forehead against his and took a breath. With all of his worries rushing back in, Luke braced for a gentle let down. 

“Babette is probably pulling out her binoculars as we speak,” she whispered. “Unless you’re ready to be the stars of Kirk’s next photography exhibit using one of those paparazzi zoom lenses, we might want to take this inside.”

He should’ve known, Luke decided, kissing her again before standing up. Lorelai had a habit of doing the opposite of what any rational person would expect. It was the most reliable thing about her.

He finally found his voice again as she shut her front door. “You, uh...you want coffee?”

“Well, Luke, now that’s a truly silly question.” 

But she understood what he wasn’t saying, what was harder for him to express. He didn’t use words like she did--one of a million ways that they were different. 

Some things were better than words anyway, like the look he shot her on the way to her cupboard, the affectionate hint of a grin. Or how easily he moved around her kitchen, so at home in her company it was hard to remember there had been a time before they met.

Kissing Lorelai quickly became a new kind of language for Luke, one that went beyond what he did--and didn’t--say.

Their first kiss was the most important one, though, when he stopped trying to talk himself out of loving her and she stopped trying to use nervous words to hold him back. That was when they both realized that after years of conversation, they didn’t need words at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Title borrowed from "Ruin the Friendship" by Demi Lovato.


End file.
